This project is something that was born out of my own fears. It is a realization. It is a hard pill to swallow. It is a truth, that I (and many) need to face. This project was birthed from the knowledge of knowing that I won’t be on this planet for a long enough time that it’ll matter. I grew up with an irrational fear of death to the point that it would get in the way of my daily life. I’m not sure if my fear stemmed from ignorance, and knowing what happens when I stop breathing, or if it stems from not wanting to leave this world without accomplishing the things I still want to accomplish. “Before I’m Gone” is a love letter to all of the individuals that I had the pleasure of meeting. It’s a love letter to the conversations that we had and serves as a celebration to the moment in time and space we shared. These little conversations that I have with individuals serves as a reminder that they existed much before I was even an idea. Hearing stories from before my existence somewhat makes me accept the concept that I do not matter, and death is inevitable. It forces me to face my own mortality. There was a time before me, and there will be a time after me.

“I came to this country with a luggage full of dreams, but what I dreamt of being might’ve been too much. I dreamed of going to school, I dreamed of having a good job. I dreamed of opportunity. But I crashed into the reality of life, and how hard it actually is in this country. Back home (in the DR) I ran offices, and I had subordinates. My first job here (in the US) was in a factory, standing for hours. So that humbled me. But it was very discouraging, as I thought it’d be a lot easier. From the outside looking in, it looks magical. Everybody made it seem like if living here was easy. And everything was easy. But that is not true. This country might give you more opportunity, but it’s still not easy.”

“I went to school for a bit, but I let go of school. Life got complicated and I had to tend to other things. Now, I’m a mother. But I’m happy. So happy. My best gift in life is being able to say that I am your mother. I regret a lot of things in life but the only thing I do not regret is having you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve said that since the day I found out I was pregnant.”

“I think it’s important to accept that not everything happens the way you planned it. I want to believe that sometimes if you ended up doing what you planned, you wouldn’t be as happy as you thought you would have.. does that make sense? What I’m trying to say is, sometimes where life takes you is much sweeter than you were going. So yes, I do think that some things are out of our control, but maybe that’s for the best. But with that being said, I do still think that if you really want to do something, you should try. I think it’s better to know you tried, and it didn’t work out, than having to wonder what if your entire life.”

I wish I could include the film shots I got of her but I couldn’t get them developed in time. But this is my world. My motivation. My reason for the things I do every single day. This is my warrior, and my queen. This is my beautiful mother.

Current student, Kali Bergeron, 20, of Salem, N.H., is spending her second semester at Northern Essex.

Bergeron is in her prerequsite year of her general health and science courses, with the goal of getting into the radiology program and eventually becoming a radiologic technologist. Bergeron explains her path to radiology technology and her experiences at NECC.

Bergeron is the youngest of three siblings. She played soccer in elementry school and high school.

“I was disapointed Northern Essex didn’t have a soccer program, because I played since I was little,” said Bergeron. She was at NECC in the past playing basketball. She is currently employed at Northeast Rehabilitation Center in Salem N.H. working in housekeeping. I worked with her there as well, which is how I met her.

A graduate from Salem High school in 2019, she left that fall with the intention of training to join the National Guard as a Criminal Justice major at the North Greenville University in South Carolina. After one semester Bergeron lost intrest in criminal justice and returned home to Salem, N.H., and her job at Northeast Rehab.

Bergeron strugled to find hours in the dishroom so she shifted her attention with Housekeeping.

“I couldn’t find enough hours in the dishroom, so I was intrestd in trying housekeeping like cleaning patients rooms,” said Bergeron.

Working as a housekeeper is what drove her to radiology.

“I enjoyed working around the patients while cleaning their rooms and helping them when they needed it,” Bergeron said.

A radiologic technologist works with a variety of  equipment responsible for diagnosing injuries and illness with such as X-rays and MRI.

This is Bergeron’s first year since enrolling at NECC in January 2020. “I chose Northern Essex because it was the only school close by home to offer a (radiologic technologist) program,” she said.

COVID-19 did not really affect her classes at NECC.

“The pandemic really hasn’t affected my learning, I wasn’t living on a campus unlike Greenville,” she said. “Online clasess are easy for me. Plus I am only taking two courses so I can still work. I’m taking a chemistry course right now. The program requiers a lot of chemistry and science.”

When reaching the final steps leading to his third flood office, a bombardment of color and sound encircles you. Hundreds of CD’s line the walls and records are stacked all around. Paintings and artwork surround the room, in a wash of beautiful greens, lazy yellows and bright blues. A soft hum reaches you from the record player in the corner, the psychedelic sounds of the Grateful Dead and the tender voice of Gerry Garcia bring a warming relaxation. He sits on a desk chair in front of three monitors, a box of pencils to his left and a crisp white page in front of him. As he begins to draw, his hand moves with the sounds of the Dead, and swirling loops and zig zags emerge on the page. He looks up with a hearty smile, eyes aglow with joy.

Jay Tuccolo was born in 1968 and has lived in Haverhill, Massachusetts his whole life. He has always been a passionate lover of art.

“I see myself as an alchemist in art. They teach you in art to focus on one thing but I want to explore everything and I use art as a tool of exploration,” professed Jay.

As a young, budding student artist, he was always drawn to record artwork and posters, and his love of music is what helped him discover and get involved in the world of graphic design.

While in high school he came across commercial art, and thought “Hey, somebody makes a living doing this stuff. I want to do this. There’s actually money to be made there. Having such a strong passion for art, wow, I could make a living and do this.”

Jay has dabbled in many artistic forms including drawing, painting, photography, digital imaging, etc. He really liked photography in high school as well, but at the time it was an extremely expensive profession to try and get into. Once he discovered commercial art and graphic design, he decided it would be much easier.

One of his first jobs was designing t-shirts. “I did a Magic Johnson t-shirt that sold over 50,000 units but I only got paid by the hour and never saw any of the profit because I was just an hourly employee,” confessed Tuccolo

He attended Fitchburg State University, then Fitchburg College, and graduated in 1990 Cum Laude with a bachelor of science in communication media with a graphic design specialty. He found his way into signage mostly by luck, the work force during this time really declined and white collar jobs were extremely hard to find, especially with what he wanted to do.

“It was the worst time in 90 years to get out of college and get a job. Literally had nothing,” Jay recalled. At one point, he considered walking away from graphic design altogether.

“I looked around at all my friends and they were doing so well and hadn’t gone to college, and I was like what did I do? Did I waste my time for nothing? It was quite demoralizing. But I ended up finding a fulltime job. I was lucky to get what I got and fell into the sign industry. Signage wasn’t really what I wanted but it was all that was available,” he divulged.

Jay found what he describes as a crappy job, at a little sign shop in Pelham, NH, and so began his career in the design and sign industry. Fast forward to today, he now works as an art director at Viewpoint Sign and Awning in Northborough, Ma. He began working there in the company’s infancy and he had the opportunity to shape their system and make it more successful, helping coordinate the infrastructure within the company. He performs managerial tasks including assigning jobs, keeping schedules, and maintaining status of tasks and projects.

“I bring new light to weaknesses or maybe strengths that could be embellished,” explained Jay. In a fast-paced work environment, with deadlines, the designers have little time to revisit work and be creative. Jay is able to review his employees’ work and help them unleash their potential, offering critiques along the way.

Tuccolo has worked on many projects over the 15 years he has been at Viewpoint. Many of the signs in Haverhill have been designed by himself and his team, including Dunkin Donuts and Papa Gino’s.

Jay still practices art at home where he is able to express his true creativity, without having to meet deadlines or expectations. It is one of his most beloved hobbies.

“I am going on five years now, almost six, of drawing every day,” said Tuccolo. He has come to realize that the process is just as, if not more important than, the product.

“Art helps us grow and pushes our minds. It lets people see the world in a way they never did before and allows them to be expanded in their own way,’ he remarked. Jay finds the exploration of art as the most exciting part and finds that people tend to focus too much on the finished product. Art has helped him learn to liberate himself from some of his anxiety in life as well. It has taught him that shooting for a masterpiece at every moment will lead to getting stuck and nothing done.

“With drawing, some days it comes very comfortable and some days it is clunky. Sometimes things work, and sometimes they don’t,” explained Jay.

Some of his great stresses in life come from conflict within communication with others. He works hard to not get caught up in the anxiety and not let it slow him down and to keep moving forwards. He has learned to feel the stress, let it come and let it pass. One of his favorite quotes that came to mind was by Carl Jung, “Hell is a door locked from the insides.” He explained how everyone’s prison is something they create from themselves, and that everyone has the ability to just unlock the door and walk out any day.

“It’s like a storm, you can die in it or hunker down and wait for the blue skies,” professed Jay. “You have to accept the peaks and valleys. That’s why I love art and the ability to use it as a tool of exploration of those highs and lows.”