I got burnt out mid November, from school, juggling three schools has not been the easiest the whole semester but I was managing for two months until my father started making me practice driving again.
I hate driving with a burning passion and the amount of energy and time that took out per day became a little too much for me to handle along with school.
We stopped after a week because my dog got sick, and I needed to take care of him during recovery, this is where the issues began.
Instead of taking care of myself and my dog for a few days I ignored the fatigue completely, I pushed myself to do work, everything I was churning out was just as bad as it could be, I wasn’t proud of it but I knew it’s not going to matter much.
Skip ahead a month to the first week of December and I have done two weeks worth of missing math assignments in two days, and I shut down after that. I didn’t touch anything school related for three days, I ignored all my math work for two weeks, focused on college and my other high school, and it blew up in my face.
I couldn’t, and have not gotten any motivation back since then. Every time I do work I spend at least 20 minutes forcing myself to do the work, before I even press a key.
That feeling, like glue on my brain has been one of the worst feelings I have felt in my life, and I just started accepting zeros because I knew the more I push myself, the more zeros I will have to take.
Burn out is terrible, when you start to feel drained especially with how everyone is home right now, take a day or two off.
Contact who you need to in order to do that and take a break, breathe for a few days and just let yourself enjoy something else besides work.
Cause I don’t know when and if I can fully recover from how much I took on mentally, but I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone else.
I baked pumpkin bread the other day, trying to take a break for myself, me not realizing I’m taking a break churned out a whole essay in the hour it took to bake, I could have taken that time to read one of the books I have been wanting to get to.
Instead I got sucked back into my work, that’s something people need to realize right now.
Motivation and willpower are so limited, there is only so much one can do before their body starts to give out, before the days start to warp together and turn into one mangled mess.
Time stops moving properly when you get like this, time starts to feel irrelevant like the only thing that matters is getting whatever you are avoiding out of your life, but you can’t because there is no coal in the train. No warmth for a cold house, it’s just empty, that train was retired a while ago, and that house has been left vacant.
Note: IN fall 2020, Griffin Caruso was a duel enrolled Early College student.
